Those three little words...

Dear fruitloop fans, it was like a scene from one of those slushy movies:

Sexy, hot woman (that'll be me then) laid snuggled up with beautiful, young, muscular lover. He stroked her hair tenderly as she nuzzled contentedly into the crook of his neck. She smiled to herself at this new-found intimacy and tenderness. It felt good.

Then, his deep, chocolate voice asked "Hey, babe, can I tell you something?"

Her heart skipped. She suddenly felt apprehensive. Were things moving too fast? Was she ready for the leap into a full-blown love affair? He was going to tell her that he loved her. She was certain. She took a slow, deep breath...

"Sure, you know that you can tell me anything"

He held her closer, stroking her cheek, looking deeply into her eyes.

"Babe, you snore"

"WHAT??? I do not snore!"

Oh the shame of it. Deep down she knew he was telling the truth. She hadn't slept with a man in years and the last one slept like the living dead and wouldn't have heard her even if she did snore. But somewhere deep in the recess of her memory she recalled many, many years ago staying awake for the entirety of a long-haul flight because she was sitting in business next to her client and was afraid to sleep in case she snored...

She wanted to die of shame. At least farting in bed was something one had control over, and she made absolutely sure that she never did that...well not in company anyway. Snoring was far worse cos it was out of your control and you're not even aware of it! Ok, she had to front it, so she braced herself and asked,

"What badly?"

"No babe, it's actually quite cute, just a little snorty and snuffly"

"Ahhh, that'll be because my nose felt a little blocked yesterday"

Well, fruitloop fans, that got me out of the horribly embarrassing situation for a few weeks. Until one night recently....

The hunky BF is snuggled next to me in bed. In the depth of a wonderful sleep I suddenly snorted so bloody loudly that I woke myself up with a start. Surely that huge, rasping masculine snore hadn't come from me, a sexy little feminine minx???....I looked across the bed praying to god that I hadn't woken him too. Uh-oh. There he was, head raised from the pillow looking first left and then right for all the world resembling a badly startled meerkat.

"What the f**k was that?"

I started to laugh. It was the only possible response.

We both laughed uncontrollably for the next ten minutes. Holding each other in the dark, the laughter subsiding then starting again when one of us re-lived the moment. Eventually as we began to drift back to sleep, the chocolate voice says...

"Hey, babe, can I tell you something?"

"Sure, you can"

"It's a good job I love you"