Internet Dating - read between the lines!!

Isn't it great to have friends?

I have to say, I'm blessed with many wonderful friends. Having moved to a different hemisphere, where I had no family, my friends have become just like family bless them. They have supported me physically and emotionally, made me laugh, made me scream, made me cry. I love them all. Yep, they're more like family than family, but at least I got to choose them. They look out for me, they give sound, collective advice.... which leads me to the real gist of this post. I can rely on my friends to tell it like it is and comment on absolutely anything.

So, first, I get an urgent text message a few days ago from one friend telling me to check out a certain profile on a certain internet dating site. Apparently, this profile had popped-up as a possible match for her. The minute she saw the picture she just HAD to alert me. That clever little software programme that those dating sites employ had matched her with The Psychopath! Holy sh**t. I think she cancelled her membership on the spot citing she wasn't going to join "NuttersRus"

Then, I can only assume that this hot little nugget of information spread like wildfire among my other friends because within a few hours I received this email from another friend:

Hi babe, I've checked out *****'s profile. Not sure about the non-smoker since he smokes like a f***ing chimney. Divorced? well, you've been trying to divorce him for a few months and he keeps stopping it. Not sure if he wants more children? Didn't he have that last girlfriend on IVF after only a few weeks? Oh and his use of 999 in the profile? Well that's a classic. All I can say is we all know the bastard has narcissistic personality disorder, so the bugger must have mistaken the sign of the devil 666 in that bloody mirror of his.

Profile reads intelligent, loyal and caring. Hey, that's a really clever way to describe psychopathic mastermind, stalker and control freak. Seriously, it's all about the nuts. He's got balls, but not nuts, and he only uses them for hitting women and frightening children. Not for rescuing damsels in distress or doing good deeds. He hides the nuts. You want the nuts. Most of the village is now out to get his nuts. Quite frankly, he is nuts. Now we all need nutcrackers and are joining dating sites full of nuts. Seems that life is all about bloody nuts.

Think I'll ponder that while I enjoy my cashews xxx

That email arrived on a day when things were looking pretty grim. It made me laughed so hard I got stared at in the cafe where I had gone to try to do some work. It's a good job that I live in a small community and everyone knows I'm nuts. Well, in a zany, loveable sort of way.

So, the moral of my little post is this. If any of you are internet dating, for gods sake read those profiles and then imagine that they've been written by a mastermind spin doctor....You have to read between the lines!

And thank your lucky stars for your friends. Mine are the best. God bless them.